I have a fetish.
(actually a few, but this is probably the big one)
What started out as a simple fantasy many years ago (1998ish), eventually took some vitamins and grew wings.
I get off watching or imagining my wife flirting, kissing, dating and/or fucking other men.
Now don’t get me wrong, being married to a bi woman and seeing her with other women is certainly an enjoyable and beautiful site. But…. it is not quite as intense as it is with men. As I’ve learned over the years, there is some psychology at work there.
In 2007, I finally divulged this secret to friend who had some interesting sexual proclivities herself. She informed me that this particular fetish had a name. Cuckolding. It has also been referred to as “hotwife”.
I was stunned.
If it has a name then that implies there are others? Wow. I am not complete freak.
Well, maybe I am but at least I have good company!
I’ve always enjoyed hearing about my wife’s sexual exploits prior to us. My sexual history was pretty limited and vanilla.
When we were first married a commonly occurring masturbation fantasy for me was imagining my wife having a secret affair with another man. I would picture him slowly undressing her…each piece of clothing. Her creamy skin against his. I would imagine her legs wrapped around his wast as he fucked her into oblivion on some exotic hotel room bed.
Variations of this fantasy have developed over the years. One of my favorites is the gang bang scenario – a sure fire way to get off in a timely manner. Another favorite involves me being tied up and gagged while naked as she has a threesome with two men who ravage her in front of me.
The first time I watched my wife with another man was probably the most sexually intense experience I have ever had.
And when one of her favorite actors appears on the tv screen – Daniel Craig, Benedict Cumberbatch, etc. – and she makes growly noises I get squirmy.
A year or two ago, I discovered that a book has been published on this particular kink:
Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray & the Men Who Love them By David J. Ley
Cuckoldry was derived from the mating habits of the Cuckoo bird. Yes, insert jokes here. On the surface it appears that Cuckoos are monogamous in their mating patterns. However in reality the female hedges her bets by secretly mating with multiple partners to increase her chances of producing offspring and lays her eggs in other nests.
According to wikipedia:
“Unlike the traditional definition of the term, in fetish usage a cuckold is complicit in their partner’s sexual “infidelity” and takes masochistic sexual pleasure in it.
Among fetishists, the pose of reluctance—the victimization of the cuckold—is a major element of the paraphilia. (Which may be the reason for the use of the term “cuckold,” with its connotations of victimization and inadequacy.)
In the fetish cuckolding subculture, it is most common for the female to take on the sexually dominant role and the male the submissive role, however, female subs, sometimes referred to ascuckqueans, also exist. The wife who enjoys cuckolding her husband is frequently called a “hotwife,” or a cuckoldress if the man is more submissive.
Fetish cuckolding can have a wide range of expression, from pillow-talk fantasy between monogamous partners to extreme “alternative lifestyles,” depending on the couple. It is also often mixed with other fetishes in practice, such as voyeurism, denial, etc.
Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of masochism, the cuckold deriving pleasure from being humiliated. In Freudian analysis, cuckold fetishism is the eroticization of the fears of infidelity and of failure in the man’s competition for procreation and the affection of females
According to these theories, the cuckold fetishist seeks pleasure both from the act of being humiliated and by giving pleasure to his lover(s). But cuckolding can be summed psychologically as “distributing sexual humiliation to the cuckold”. If a couple can keep the fantasy in the bedroom, or come to an agreement where being cuckolded in reality does not damage the relationship, they may try it out in reality. However, the primary proponent of the fantasy is almost always the one being humiliated, or the “cuckold”: he usually convinces his lover to participate in the fantasy for him, though other “cuckolds” may prefer their lover to initiate the situation instead. The fetish fantasy does not work at all if the cuckold is being humiliated against his will.
Humiliation is “the feeling of being put down, made to feel less than one feels oneself to be.”Psychologist Evelin Lindner calls humiliation “the nuclear bomb of the emotions”, claiming it is an order of magnitude more powerful than any other, causing everything from interpersonal conflicts to international terrorism.” According to psychoanalysis, any feeling can become sexualized if it is somehow favorably associated with sex, especially in childhood. Because humiliation is such a powerful emotion, if an individual sexualizes it, they can in turn obtain intense sexual feelings.”
According to author/biologist Robin Baker there is some evolutionary psychology at work:
“When a man thinks that his female mate may have been sexual with another man, the man is prompted by biological urges to copulate with the female in an effort to “compete” with the other man’s sperm.”
According to Kai Ma:
“The idea of any husband wanting to watch his wife have sex with another man goes against the grain of marriage, masculinity, even patriarchy, in a radical way.”
This post will probably be the first of many in a thread on this topic. The David J. Ley book is worth reading even if you’re simply curious about this.
The idea of disrupting the traditional roles of marriage, and patriarchy as society has deemed morally correct is definitely appealing to me. Also, the implied and even direct humiliation is definitely an orgasm trigger for me.