I’ve touched on this in multiple places in this blog.
I feel I need to provide some further explanation since this is a sensitive topic. The key word here is “Fantasies”.
When I say “Infidelity Fantasy”, some may think I’m fantasizing about cheating on my wife.
That is not the case.
I actually fantasize about my wife “cheating” on ME.
let that soak in for a second.
I will suggest that you, me and many people married or in LTR’s have on occasion fantasized, and masturbated while thinking about someone other than their spouse.
Is this bad? Is this cheating? Is it healthy?
Don’t deny it.
It’s my opinion that humans are by nature, non-monogamous.
My wife once put this into very succinct words – it’s not about the sex…it’s about the trust. It is about the expectations of your partner and the definition of your relationship.
My wife and I have redefined our relationship on various occasions…sometimes closed, sometimes open, and somewhere in between.
I have never ‘fouled’ those expectations and don’t intend to.
I will say that at this age and stage in life I trust my wife’s judgement.
As far as I’m concerned, she has complete freedom over her sexuality.
If she has an opportunity to be intimate with someone (or someone’s), regardless of gender, awesome, she has my blessing. (as long as I know about it at some point.). Because I know my wife, and she does not take this sort of thing lightly. She makes good choices and I trust her completely.
I would never do anything without her blessing. I’m good with that. She keeps me on track and grounded. I have accepted that I am a cuckold and will abide as she sees fit. [said with a tongue-in-cheek tone!]. “Yes Ma’am”.
So this kink was not an overnight thing. It progressed sneakily shortly after we were married. She has on occasion divulged details about sexual liasons with past boyfriends. Some men would be uncomfortable. I got aroused. I felt weird about this so I kept this things suppressed. I would create strange fantasies about her and other men in my head. I would come up with strange things like imagining I found condoms in her purse. At one point she had to travel regularly for school and I would imagine that school was a ruse and that she was actually meeting a secret lover….instant masturbation session.
Occasionally she would have sleepovers with a female friend/lover and I would spend half the night jerking off imagining what they might be up to. I often felt weird or guilty about these things so I kept them quiet and suppressed for a long time.
In 2011 I discovered a book called “Insatiable Wives” by David Ley, a Ph.D in Psychology. This book was written about this particular kink and every word resonated with me. I was not alone with this…it is more common than you might think. Dr. Ley points out scientific research that explains the biology and psychology behind this. It’s weird…it’s motherfuckin’ nature.
Yeah, call me nature boy.
Some related kinks come with this which I will save for another blog: humiliation/sex witholding, female domination, and “cream pie” eating ;P
I have in my travels found others in the blogosphere that shares these same kinks. There are two tumblrs dedicated to this fetish that I love to peruse:
Hopefully this makes sense, I don’t promote infidelity. I promote CONSENSUAL infidelity. There is a distinction. Kind of like consensual non-consent fantasies. Does that make sense?