Status Quo

So,  the term “Sexual Politics”… now has meaning for me.

I’ve heard the term in my younger days, but it never really held meaning for me.  Fast forward into my 40s and an 18 year relationship / marriage and all the complexities of human relations,  and now I get it.  My sex life is about as functional as our Congress is.  In fact,  My wife and I have sex about as often as Congress meets… Which is about once a year if you want to avoid Googling that reference. Having said that,  I want to be clear that I am not assigning blame to my spouse,  I’m not even looking to assign blame at all.  it’s just a situation and one that has no clear solution. It just is. From what I’ve read this sort of thing happens a lot at this age and stage and can be a catalyst to infidelity and divorce.  Yeah,  good times. I have friends who have traveled down that road and I don’t intend to follow.

Unfortunately,  I have the libido from hell,  and my spouse has the direct inverse. You could even say she is asexual right now.  The universe has a sick sense of humor!

I have friends my age that are having ED issues already and are subscribing to Dr V.  for assistance there.  I can get still get hard from a stiff breeze.  I have to self stimulate almost daily for a little relief.

Sometimes I wish I was asexual… Because that would be easier to deal with than feeling like a dirty old man on a regular basis.

But this is how it is right now… Pretty much how it’s been since 2009,  2010 ish. But least I still have the internet.

DLS 16 : Maybe I’m getting old. 


Accidental Masturbator

Unusually I was away from home sans wife and offspring last night. Family business took me several hundred miles away from home overnight. I was staying with relatives but also taking the opportunity to visit an old school friend. Which presented another opportunity: the other day I spent an hour or so perusing locally available services on but time was short, budget was limited, and if I’m honest, I’m not entirely sure how motivated I really am. Maybe next time.

However, being away from home life somehow always brings out the pervert in me.

So yesterday, as I drove

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I went to a bar with my friend Mike. There were bands playing, it was crowded, and we casually struck up a conversation with a woman named Heather. After an hour or so, Mike decided to leave. He was tired, he didn’t like the music, and, increasingly, Heather and I were focused on each other. As he was leaving, he noticed that she and I had moved closer to each other, and he grinned at me just before he walked out the door.

Heather and I talked more, drank more, talked more. We were now sitting side-by-side in our booth in the dark lounge. We began kissing. After a few minutes, she broke away and laughed.

“Is there anything I should know before I get smitten?” she asked, and I realized that she somehow hadn’t noticed the ring on my finger.

I held up my hand and showed it to her. “Maybe this?”

Her smile changed. “Ah. There had to be a catch.”

“Sorry. Do you want me to leave?”

She thought about it. “No, I’m having a good time hanging out.”

We got more drinks. She stayed beside me in the booth, but we talked instead of making out. “I kind of want to take you home with me,” she said. I stroked her hair and kissed her again and said, “Sounds good to me.”

“Really? How long could you stay?”

“I’d like to stay with you all night, if you want me to.”

A few minutes later, I was standing outside the bar, phone in hand, calling home. “Hey,” my wife said sleepily.

“Hey, sorry to wake you. I just wanted to let you know I probably won’t be home tonight.”

“Oh… Is it anybody I know?”

“No, I just met her tonight.”

She laughed. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. See you tomorrow.”

The next day, I got a call from Mike, “So, did you get with Heather last night?” he asked. “Yeah,” I replied, “I spent the night with her. She’s really cool.”

“Do you need me to cover your ass with Anni? I can tell her you got drunk and crashed on my couch.”

“She knows where I was,” I replied. He was immediately alarmed.

“Shit, dude… How did she find out?”

“I told her. I wouldn’t do it behind her back.”

“You told her? For real?”

“Yeah, before Heather and I left the bar. She’s okay with it.”


“Barry, that’s sick. I mean, gross.”

“How come?”

“It’s just wrong.”

Anni was his friend too. For me to be unfaithful to my wife, his friend, was okay. For me to lie to her about it was also okay. Moreover, he was prepared to lie to her to help me get away with it. But telling her the truth? And her not having a problem with it? Sick. Gross. Wrong.

Mike was married too, and fucked around at least as much as I did. But he hid it from his wife, so that was okay, or “normal.” This story would just be funny if Mike’s attitude weren’t typical.

When my marriage to Anni ended after seven years, most of our friends decided that our lack of monogamy had been the cause. Or, since few of them were monogamous, but all paid lip service to monogamy, I suppose it would be more accurate to say that they thought a lack of dishonesty had been the cause.

Our marriage had largely been happy. It ended for most of the usual reasons. I say “most,” because infidelity was not among those reasons.

I once had an affair with a married woman whose husband didn’t know what was going on. She told me that while she loved her husband, she couldn’t be monogamous. I asked her if she’d ever talked with him about having an open relationship.

“I couldn’t handle that,” she said.

“Why not?”

“I couldn’t handle him fucking other women.”

She was in bed with me, naked, when she told me this.

At a newspaper where I worked, my editor asked me to write a piece about a local polyamory support group. “Perverts make good copy,” he said cheerfully. (He was married, but known for putting the moves on his female staff.) He was disappointed when I reported that the group not only didn’t have any perverts, but that it didn’t even have any members who were promiscuous.

Not that I’m knocking promiscuity. I couldn’t. I have never been polyamorous, but I have been, and sometimes still am, promiscuous. Most of the polyamorous people I know aren’t promiscuous; they have more than one relationship. Really, I’ve found that they’re more into relationships than most “monogamous” people, which is why they have more than one at the same time.

I’m not polyamorous. I’m just a slut.

And so are many, or most, of us. We just don’t talk about it. The reason most of us don’t talk about it is that “promiscuous” is almost always used as a pejorative. “Slut,” of course, is used as an insult. But try asking someone what’s wrong with being promiscuous, and see how flustered and frustrated they get. They’ll likely answer, “Well, cheating is wrong.” But how is it cheating if you’re honest? Or they might say, “What about the people who might get hurt?”

The hurt, like all problems that seem to arise from non-monogamy, actually arises from our belief that we should be monogamous, and that our partners should also be monogamous. I remember how scandalized reviewers and fans of Julie and Julia were when its author, Julie Powell, wrote another memoir, Cleaving, about how she cheated on her husband. What so many of those who stood in judgment of Powell — including Powell herself — seemed not to realize was that her supposed wrongdoing was only wrong because she felt forced to lie about it. Reviewing the book, I wrote:

Something that doesn’t seem to occur to Powell, though, is that she isn’t the problem. What’s causing all the pain and confusion is an unquestioning acceptance that monogamy is a virtue. Powell clearly loves her husband; indeed, she finds life without him unthinkable. She doesn’t seem to mind when he has an affair, since it doesn’t make her doubt that he loves her and wants to be married to her. She just doesn’t seem to be a sexually monogamous person, and I can’t see that there would be any problem were it not for the (perhaps self-imposed) expectation that she should be, or should be perceived to be.

If you know your partner is having sex with other people, doesn’t that mean you have to deal with jealousy and insecurity? Of course, just as you do if your partner isn’t having sex with other people — or at any rate you don’t know they are. The problem isn’t sex, it’s making our bodies and other people’s bodies symbols of control and ownership — and lying about behavior that crosses the boundaries of “normal” relationships. I have been in relationships during which I have had various other sex partners, and in relationships in which I had sex with few or no other people. I consider these relationships to have been equally non-monogamous.

While I was working on this article, I sent a draft of it to a friend who is 72 years old and has been married to his wife for 49 years — three years longer than I have existed. They have never been monogamous. He wrote back:

And the the truth shall set you free. But in the US of A, hypocrisy rules. I think G. and I are living proof of what you are talking about. When I have told the truth, or my version of the truth, about sex I have been shunned, ridiculed, and ignored.

I don’t know if my current partner and I will be together as long as these friends have managed, but I do know that our time together will be honest, not based on lies.

Collusion: The Blind Eye

Women in Contemporary Relationships

I pray that I may not be married
But if I am to be married
that I may not be cuckold
but that if I am to be a cuckold
that I may not know it
but if I know it
that I may not care.
—Anonymous Bachelor’s Prayer, circa 1650

In a number of cases, the practice to deceive a husband about an ongoing or prospective affair is simplified by his implicit, and sometimes explicit, agreement not to notice anything. The wife and her husband enter into what amounts to collusion, thereby saving face on both sides. If he doesn’t ask, she doesn’t have to lie; if he doesn’t know of an affair, then he doesn’t have to do anything about it.

Such an arrangement may often occur in a marriage of convenience where there’s little pretense of affection between the husband and wife. They simply agree to lead…

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Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them.

“There hasn’t been a lot of research into the cuckolding phenomenon,” said David J. Ley, PhD, a clinical psychologist and the author of Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them. “Historically, men whose wives cuckolded them were publicly humiliated, and their wives were often severely punished. It is only in the past decade or so that this fantasy has catapulted itself into the public consciousness, largely due to an intersection of female sexual liberation and the ability of the Internet to allow men with these fantasies to find each other and learn they are not alone.”

Because of this history—cuckolded men publicly shamed, cuckolding wives brutally punished—there hasn’t been much nonjudgmental, non-sex-panicky research into men with your desires, CUCK. Ley’s book represents the first comprehensive effort to explore your particular kink.

“CUCK’s wife is right,” said Ley, “in that many men do get an ego boost out of sharing their ‘hot wife.’ But there are many other motivations as well. Some men are into the idea of cuckolding and humiliation, in a masochistic way. Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who masochism was named after, explored this fantasy specifically for the humiliation of it.”

Men who enjoy the humiliation of their wives sleeping with other men tend to identify with the term “cuckold,” while men who are into the hot, exciting sex aspect—men like you—tend to identity as “hotwifers.”

“There are lots of men who explore this fantasy just because they think it’s very sexy to imagine or see their wife having hot sex with someone else and being fully satisfied,” said Ley. “One very interesting biological theory for this is related to the concept of sperm competition. Essentially, the theory goes that men get physically aroused when they know that their sperm might have to compete with those of another man, in order to possibly (even theoretically) impregnate a woman. In such circumstances, the men thrust harder and deeper during sex, they ejaculate harder, and their ejaculate contains more sperm.”

As for your wife’s restrictions—you can’t be there, she’ll share some details but not all—Ley thinks your wife is testing you. “She’s setting boundaries,” said Ley. “She wants to see how serious CUCK is, how he’s going to react. And she’s also establishing some level of independence. It’s her body and her sexuality, too, after all.” Ley thinks you guys are coming at this from a good place. Your marriage is on the upswing, you’re talking about your desires openly and honestly, and you’re willing to compromise. “I’ve worked with couples who have made this fantasy and lifestyle work,” said Ley. “And the key component is communication, grounded by mutual trust and respect. If you pursue this, do it with honest communication on both your parts.”

The Cuckolding Fetish: When Your Wife’s Cheating Turns You On

Some husbands like to watch their wives cheat. Welcome to ‘cuckolding,’ a taboo fetish that is far more common than you might think.
Imagine hearing your wife whisper in your ear, telling you all the naughty things she did with a coworker in the backseat of your car. Instead of getting jealous, it turns you on. Maybe you enjoy the idea of how desirable your wife is. Or maybe you want to watch while she cheats on you, taunting you, forcing you to get involved in humiliating ways. Welcome to “cuckolding,” a taboo fetish that is far more common than you might think.By definition, of course, a cuckold is the “husband of an adulteress.” The phenomenon itself is nothing new (see the works of Shakespeare or Chaucer). It might even be considered universal, since dozens of languages have a term that refers to it. Today’s cuckolding fetish, however, takes the deception and betrayal out of cheating—both partners are in on the secret.

While the average person may think the idea of sharing a spouse is horrific, the NASCA (North American Swing Club Association) estimates that at least 15 percent of married couples have opted for the swinger lifestyle. While swinging isn’t exactly cuckolding, the idea of willfully sharing a partner remains. According to Dr. Paul Abramson, a professor of psychology at UCLA and lead singer of Crying 4 Kafka, “Traditional American heterosexual relationships are built on monogamy. Cuckolding would thus be relationship suicide. But for relationships that have different boundaries, the impact might be trivial.” He says that if 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, cuckolding can’t be the only thing to blame.

According to the General Social Survey conducted by the National Opinion Research Center, 19 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted (key word: admitted) to having an extra-marital affair. Those statistics make sense considering the popularity of cheating websites like that tout over 8 million members (that’s roughly about 2.5 percent of the U.S. population). Technology, of course, makes it easier to have a discreet affair.

Take Tinder, the newest hook-up craze. Download the app, find people within a certain radius, and swipe left or right based on whether you think the person is attractive. While the exact amount of booty calls generated by Tinder is impossible to pin down, Tinder founder and CEO Sean Rad told TechCrunch that the app witnesses 3.5 million matches along with 350 million swipes a day. And how many of those people are already in a relationship? Infidelity isn’t always the death of a relationship. For some, it seems to be a spark.

Infidelity isn’t always the death of a relationship. For some, it seems to be a spark.

Some believe that cuckolding is really just exposed infidelity. In some ways, it spices up a sex life without the added guilt of cheating. While this fetish isn’t for the insecure, it’s certainly not for monogamists. (It’s definitely not for me.)

Isadora Almen, a licensed psychotherapist and board certified sexologist, says that the cuckold phenomenon cannot be explained any more than someone’s desire for bosomy blondes or being spanked. It’s an individual kink, one that she’s been answering questions about since the ‘80s. Almen says a man wouldn’t feel like he was a victim. Instead, he might think of himself as “particularly generous in seeing to his woman’s pleasure.” She adds a warning: “I wouldn’t recommend it as a sex therapist for spicing up one’s love life. It could lead to jealousy and resentment. It’s pretty out there for most people and in many cases it’s the woman who is resentful and not the man whose kink it is.”

It’s not always about acting out a fantasy, sometimes it’s enough to just watch.Mean Cuckold is the highest selling DVD producer and director Glenn King has ever released. King says people are bored with regular sex. “Cuckolding is a way to humiliate a slave or explore sexuality,” he says. “Infidelity is just performing the physical act of cheating on your spouse. You could say though, that infidelity is one way to cuckold a submissive.”

The act of cuckolding can often be filed under the female domination tab, as is evident in King’s series. There are three types of cuckolded men: the submissive, forced bisexual, and the voyeurs. “Submissives are into humiliation,” King says. “They fantasize about being degraded and humiliated by a beautiful woman. Second, you have guys who want to be pushed into exploring their darkest fantasies: forced bisexuality. They want to be pushed by their mistress into doing things they would never do, like worshipping another man. Then lastly, we have voyeurs, who just enjoy watching their lover get pleasured by another man. And to take it a step further, for those older males who grew up in the South, watching your woman have sex with a black man is absolutely shocking.”

If cuckolding is just another kink, like BDSM, why do so many shy away from ever mentioning it? Almen says it’s really all in the definition. “Cuckolding has always had with it the element of shame,” she says. “It really points the finger of shame at a man whose woman would go outside the relationship.”


My wife gives the most incredible blow jobs.

She started one the other night, but before she could finish…

I flipped her over and fucked her.

Slow and gentle.

Gradually building up.

I felt her pussy clench as she came.

I was not far behind.

I gushed.

And then as quick as I could slide down,

I went down on her.

I enjoyed the taste of cum on her lips.

Her legs nearly crushed me when the next orgasm hit.

Foreplay after sex….I could get used to that.

cum inside


your cock didn’t make me cum…it was my fingers that did the trick

the heat from your cock inside of me turns me on

feeling the hot splash of your cum bursting up inside of me

is enough to make me instantly cum

even if up until that moment i wasn’t ready

the friction and the fullness of penetration

is not enough without the bare heat of touching flesh

i need you bareback inside of me

my fetish is knowing you are creaming inside of me

i want to feel you dripping from me

leaving your slippery mess smeared all over my folds

i want my thighs to be shiny with it

and i want to smell like i’ve just been fucked

without my reward of juices to look forward to

your cock may as well be an inanimate dildo

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